Nashville, TN, USA More »
I accidentally ran into Michael yeasterday (Black Friday) in CompUSA. He was searching for softwares that I recommended and I happen to be there to give him some advice. :)
The whole day goes from there. We went shopping for stuff and I ended up got some clothes from Express. I got more clothes than I need now. hehe
Again, it's easier to get into depression than I thought. Although my outlook is still great and I'm optimistic about what I am doing, it's still sad to be sad sometimes. For what? Frankly, I don't have a clear idea about that. It could be because of the lose connection with someone I cared about, and it's could be the loneliness I felt most of time, it could be the homesickness started to hit me and many other reasons.
Thanksgiving day is approaching. I still have no idea what I will do during the holidays. For that reason, spending holidays, which should be happy and relaxing days, is worse than spending normal days.
However, I tried my best to fill my day with meaningful activities. I started to run early in the day and workout as usual. Spending the afternoon reading a book in Borders is becoming a routine. Some television at night to relax. The only thing I lack is a guy to talk to, to have fun with. Hopefully I can find someone who is intelleturally interesting and likes me at the same time. :)
I fighted with Huawei yesterday after a long hiatus since August. However, it doesn't bother us as much as before. We kind of just let it go and don't talk about the issues anymore as we both knew it's futile to waste time talking. I felt really depressed the whole night while listening to the group in the couseling center. Jean is leaving the group and it's really not the right time for that to happen. After nearly everyone in the group voiced their opinions about his leaving, I told him what I have in mind about the whole issue. I think it's not for our benefits to invite him to stay in the groups for extra weeks. It's really for him to digest and process what happened here and leave the group as a peaceful person instead of a angry, hateful individual. He really appreciated my opinion.
One change I found out that I learned in the group is that I can see a person I normally would like in a likable way. Gene is a person who is emotional, caring although having trouble communicating and mingling with others. I understand him because I'm in a way similar to him, but I cannot stand him sometimes when he tried to be a co-therapist. I always felt that I would be so happy to see him to leave. But when it does happen, I felt kind of sad while feeling relieved. Whatever it is, I hope he can deal with his life and his numerous struggles well.
This is said by the Mom in "Six Feet Under". The character played by Rachael Griffin responded, "Aren't we all?" and left.
She is such a great actress. The subtle movement can express so much feelings. Bravo!
(from Agrainofsand Blog)
In the still of the night, you sit in your room alone, pondering. Oblivious, unaware of the fact that many others like you are also sitting quietly in their own corner of their rooms, savouring the peace of the evening, drinking in the comforting weight of the darkness. And the refrains of a song echos through the lonely night...
Angel - Sarah Mclachlan
Spend all my time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That make up for all that you lack
That don't make no difference, escape one last time
It's easier to believe In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here.
________________________________
Turn up the corner of your mouths and smile, for there's a light in the darkness. And soon, in a few more hours, the sky will again glow a soft orange, before the sun bursts forth again in its glory, unwounded.
I got up pretty late again this morning. After cleaned up, I went to Borders and started the three-hour diagnostic LSAT session. It's tough after three years no excercise. However, I'm surprised that I can do well on the argument section well. The reading comprehension secion and logic reasoning is not as good and I don't have enough time to finish those.
I need to start the school application process now too. Need time to think about it.
Finally, I watched "Schindler's List" . Everytime when you watch a war film, there are always shocking and touching moments. For this super long 3 hour and 12 minutes film, I cried in the last hour many times. When Schindler is ready to flee and the Jewish Rabbi gave him the letter with autographs from all the jews in the factory in case he got caught; When Schindler was mumbling "I could get more (people)"; When the survivors from the war pay him respect at his tomb many years later, many came with their kids, grandkids... Order came back to the world and humanity came back to the world after the chaos war created. I always thought that those kind of cruel things won't happen the the human being again since we are all so civilized. But weren't those people in the war also thought the same? People are essentially good and I am not going to fall into traditional cynical cycle about the world. Schindler's act changed the world, at least the people who he saved and the people who read and watched his brave behaviors. That's what makes the world better.
I basically spent the whole day watching movies. I spent another 4 hours watching "
It's a halloween night. So great to be invited to the Dave's party. There are so many people who dressed up as fun characters. It's just like in a movie set. Many of them even made the costumes themselves. Definitely the greatest Halloween party ever! :)
Katie and Abbey were there tonight, which relieved my worry that I won't have any one to talk to... Katie was an Egypt Princess and Abbey dressed up as a white trash... After about an hour, people get loosen up either by alchohol or just familiar with each other. Not after long, I am one of the partier and talking to many people in it. Definitely more than I expected.
I"m so glad I dressed up with the help from Corinne, Eric(Dave's brother)'s girl friend. It helped a lot to fit in the party. I need to send Corinne the pictures I promised to send her...
I'm kind of tipsy right now and don't know exactly what I am talking about. Anyway, I just blah something down as a memorendum.
